People tell you how your life should go when you are little kids. You are supposed to get a great education, have this amazing career and have a beautiful family. No one tells you the truth about what happens in between. You will go to school, and rip your hair out, trying to reach deadlines for a good grade. Then once you have attempted college it seems like it takes forever to settle in the career that you thought you wanted that was major-specific. Then when you look at your check, you are crying, trying to figure out how the hell you ended up with this life.
Let's not even get to the part about a happy family. The person that you thought you were going to spend your life with only lasted for a year...barely. The next person lasted long, but was a total waste of time which landed you a bundle of joy who grew up to be hard-headed and mischievous (not saying that scenario happens to everyone, but you get the picture.) and life ain't been no crystal stair...word to Langston Hughes!
This is all because of what you heard...go to school they said, get a good job they said...have a happy family, which you come to realize, is total bullshit.
Luckily there was someone, hopefully your parents or someone who cares about you sits you down and tells you the real shit about life. That you are going to experience downfalls, and hurt and disappointment, which will make you better as a person. They should tell you to focus on your dreams and turn them into goals that you will make the self-discipline to achieve. They will tell you love, will come when it is suppose to and not to force it and to let it come naturally.
That person saved you and although they didn't put out the disclaimer, that they should've mentioned that the downfalls that you would face would come from not listening. They gave you a cheat sheet on how to achieve happiness, AND YOU DID NOT LISTEN. You thought to yourself that nothing is that simple, so you do it your own way because you know what's best for you, then on relationship number 7, you are trying to figure out where you went wrong. You hate your job but you have to make ends meet and school didn't help you with any of that shit!
Then you have yourself a little sit-down and evaluate what you have going on...and you are not happy. Then we back track to the conversation that we had with our parents and loved ones, and we start over. Let me gain knowledge of myself and my surroundings so I can better assess what I'm dealing with. You will start telling yourself how worth it you are to be success in doing something you love.
FIRST COMES LOVE...
all those past relationships your realize happened because they were forced out of lust and being wanted, but you forgot one major key...you have to love yourself first. That love with show for what you do, how you feel about yourself and things that keep you moving. Although I have had failed relationships, my love that made me come to the realization that I should be more and do more came from the love I had for my children. They made me realize how important it was to love myself, and that I had purpose.
THEN COMES MARRIAGE...
so many failed relationships came from not having a true connection. I loved the time, I loved the fun but I didn't truly love the companionship or the situation. Once I learned how to love myself, I understood what it meant to share that love with another person. Thanks to that understand, love found me, and I'm married to the love of my life and am happily embracing the meaning of being one force.
THEN COMES THE BABY IN A BABY CARRIAGE!
I already had two children coming into this, and my husband had three. Ever since I had my last child I wanted another and I asked God to grant me another child. Funny thing about the Creator, once you know better, God sets you up to be better. Failed relationships and not being able to have kids was pretty depressing. For years, ten to be exact, I didn't think I was able to have kids. But that was not the case at all. God made sure I was in a place to mentally, physically and spiritually prepared to have another child. I am now happy to say, three failed relationships, one failed marriage and ten years later, that I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We have bridged our gap!
So if you don't believe in a higher power and the process...you won't get very far, I'm telling you what I know and not what I heard.
Thank you for tuning in family.
Peace. Love. And light.