be thankful when it hurts....

I spoke about transparency in the last blog and with that you must be aware.

Here it is, the middle of May and I feel like I have been battling for happiness since the year started. It was one thing after another and I would wake up everyday not knowing what I would be faced with. Every time something beautiful happened, every time I had a breakthrough, I felt like there was always something to pull me back down. Every time I got happy about something, there was always a person, a thing, and energy always pulling me back into a depressed state.

I felt like I couldn't win from losing (I never knew what that phrase really meant until I experienced life...raw and uncut.)and ever so often, I politely got reminded of just how bad each situation was. Depression is a real thing. It makes you feel like you are worthless, like you are incapable of love and happiness. I got so down that I'd wake up sad.

Then I woke up for real.

The thing about hard times is the key word "time". And what we have to realize about time is that it passes, it moves forward. That is the same way I chose to deal with my pain and my hurt. Not only that, but once I sat down and really thought about it, I felt a bit selfish. Like how dare I feel sorry for myself. I look at the things I go through and I think about the people that are going through things much worse than my own.

I look at the things that I go through as a purpose, like things happen for a reason. I was always told that God does not put more on me than I can bare. So if My Creator has all this confidence in me...why can't I have this for myself? Sometimes I think God has too much confidence in me lol.

I am not the situation that I am in, but the strength of the outcome of it.

Now, we will have our times where we feel like we can't take it, but we must be thankful for the downfalls because it shapes us for the success and the light at the end of the tunnel. That way we can look back and say "Damn, look at me now!" "Look where I came from!"

That's a beautiful disaster. The ones that you are skeptical of overcoming...but you end up being victorious. I live for those moments. The moments when I can take a chuckle at all the negative energy that was pushed my way and failed.

So fall, cry and be in pain...but only for a little while because even if your mood falls with the sun...joy comes in the morning.

Peace. Love. Light.